Friday, September 24, 2010

A Clarification but NOT an Apology

My husband has requested that I clarify a little something from an earlier post. It seems I may have been wrong (and I use that term loosely because as we all know I am never wrong) about what our stolen money was spent on.

You see it went like this...I find out our account is frozen. Jon goes to the bank and starts wading through the mess. He calls me and starts reading off a list of charges made from somewhere that the US dollar needed to be exchanged for foreign currency. I am freaking out. How did someone overseas get our into our debit account?!? Meanwhile the kids are running around needing me (Can I play outside? Grace spilled her milk. Where is Fifi? Wipe my bum....etc...). And all through the chaos Jon is still reading the list.

So, I'm sure you'll understand that when he got to a patch of charges for some DVD's (I think?) that were called blah blah something ruther "4 Pay" blobbidy blah that I thought Jon said they were some movies entitled something like yadda yadda "fore play" somethin' somethin'.

Ok! So maybe you don't understand but that's what I heard and that's how it happened. But, come on now, give me a break! Some jerk wad just stole all the money that we had in our bank account and then racked up piles of over charge fees. And because he's a jerk I knew that the movies weren't going to be about golfing. He had to be some sort of weaselly sleaze ball. Right?

You better believe that's right.

Even if he didn't buy porn.
Which he didn't.
At least not with my money.

So now that I've got that cleared up I will now put an official done stamp on this subject and end this post by saying that: The guy may be a thief but he isn't a pornographer or a golfer. (That I know of.) However, if he is either one, I sincerely hope that my money didn't help improve his swing.

There. Clarification complete.

PS---To my neighbor out there who read the earlier post and talked to Jon about it...this may explain his confusion during your conversation and is actually what sparked this new post.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Tis the Season for Explanations

It's that time of year again...Autumn. Which means Simon's birthday party and Halloween. Which means the season for explanations is upon us.

I have big feelings about letting my kids choose what kind of costumes they want to wear for Halloween and what kind of birthday parties they have. I love giving them that freedom and helping them turn what they see in their minds into realities. The only problem is that while the kids love it, it leaves pretty much everyone else confused, and then the explanations begin.

For example this year Simon will be having a "moon" birthday party where we will be fighting aliens (aka---my husband dressed up in a costume while the kids pelt him with wire scouring balls we bought at the dollar store). Try delivering invitations for a "moon party". The only way it could sound weirder is if Simon called it a "mooning party". But I digress, so back to the subject...

Could he possibly choose something a little more traditional like a Buzz Lightyear or a Star Wars Party? No. So, it's a moon party with aliens and moon rocks and astro gloves.

And when I think about it, it really is a little more traditional than years past. For instance, last year we held the "Bad Guy Birthday Party" and the year before that it was an "Olympic Birthday Party" and the year before that we had a "Tiki Room Birthday". So in our party history this is the most "normal".

Simon's birthday party is the end all event of the year for him and he's so excited again this year. In fact, he so excited you could say he's "over the moon" about it. I hope it's all that he's imagined. Wish me luck. I've never made an alien costume before. (Let's just hope I don't have to explain what that is to.)

Oh---and with Halloween on the horizon I'm bound to be found in the yard with Simon working on the Homemade Robot Costume of Doom Part 2.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Pardon the Silence

It's been almost a month since my last post.
Would that be because I have run out embarrassing stories or things to complain about?
Not hardly.

It would be because:
#1. I've been ridiculously busy. AND
#2. Some creep stole our debit card number and drained our account. Before we even knew the money was gone our bills were bouncing rebouncing and our account became "frozen".

Our Internet provider put our payment through several times, it wouldn't go, so they turned off our service.

Today, after some headaches, we finally got everything straightened out. What a mess.

And at the end of it all I only have one thing to say: If you're going to steal my money at least spend it on something your going to use because, buddy, if you have to lift money from a middle class mom's bank account to buy a $40 How-to-Get-Past-Fore-Play DVD then that's just a waste of both of our money, because, quite frankly, you're never going to get the chance to use the information from that DVD. Seriously. Never.

And dude, here's some advice that you don't need to steal in order to get (and it will be far more beneficial than anything you bought with my money)...stand up, turn off your computer, and go take a shower. I'm serious about that to you smelly freak show.