Recently I've been racked by guilt. Literally everything makes me feel guilty and it has gotten out of hand. In fact, it's spreading and infecting innocent bystanders. For example:
A while ago I was out pulling some weeds when a big old nasty spider crawled across my path. Now I HATE HATE HATE spiders. Really hate them. So as I am pulverizing the poor creature I notice she is carrying an egg sack which she curls her entire body around in an effort to save her babies. As I rained blows down upon the poor creature and her egg sack with my shovel I felt guilty and sad. Here was a mother just going about her business when along comes some big jerk and destroys not only her life but her children's. I saw her desperate attempts to save her babies and what do I do? I smash them with a shovel.
But, I'm a mother to and a few feet away from the spider is little Grace and there's no way I'm letting anything hurt her so the spider had to die and I had to feel guilty.
After the blood bath I told this story to my friend who already knows I'm crazy and then forgot about it until today....
This afternoon I stopped some liquid refreshment off at her house when she tells me that the other day she opened her garage to find some monster mama wolf spider trucking across the floor packing an egg sack. She wanted to kill her but couldn't because of the guilt. MY GUILT!!! AGGGHHHHH!
My guilt it is contagious. Which of course, causes me to feel more guilt! Why can't I just keep my neuroses to myself? Now I envision my friends garage wall teaming with wolf spiders, eyes peering out waiting to attack her with their legions of spiders babies in some sci-fi battle extraordinaire. It gives me the guiltified creeps just thinking about it.
Oh guilt! If only you were as easy to brutally murder as a heavy laden spider....
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
An Astronaut?
Simon: Does Heavenly Father live in "outer in space"?
Me: Ummmm...well, kind of.
Simon: So, is he an astronaut?
Me: Ummmm...well, kind of.
Simon: So, is he an astronaut?
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
The Naked Truth
So today I climb out of the shower just as Simon comes barging through my bathroom door in a panic because he couldn't get the lid off of the peanut butter. And there I am stark, raving naked.
Before I could even do anything Simon stops in his tracks and squishes up his face. "OOOOHHHHHHH Mom!" He says, "That's gross! You need to put on your clothes!" And stomps out of the bathroom.
Looking in the mirror I could see it was a fair assessment. So much for an illustrious career in the adult film industry. I just hope Simon won't need counseling for this.
Before I could even do anything Simon stops in his tracks and squishes up his face. "OOOOHHHHHHH Mom!" He says, "That's gross! You need to put on your clothes!" And stomps out of the bathroom.
Looking in the mirror I could see it was a fair assessment. So much for an illustrious career in the adult film industry. I just hope Simon won't need counseling for this.
Friday, September 11, 2009
Thank You Crazy Eyes
I was having an exceptionally bad day. And what do you do when times get tough? You head to the gas station for an extra large Dr. Pepper of course.
It was the night crew and so they don't know me. (Not like the day crew that knows me all too well and even gave me gifts when I had Grace.) Anyway, even though I don't know these people one of the workers has some interesting features and I've seen him working there quite a few times. Oh and then there's his name...in my evil brain I've named him "crazy eyes".
So I get my drink and get in line to pay. I get up to pay and I'm at a disgruntled employees register. She rings me up and before I can pay Crazy Eyes steps over and clears the register. "It's on me, " he says.
"You can't do that!" she says.
"It's on me," he says. And with that he pulls a handful of change from his raggedy old pants pocket and buys my drink.
"You're crazy," she says.
Like and idiot I just stand there.
"Now go on, and have a good day," he says and jerks his head toward the door motioning for me to leave.
Eloquently I say "Um, thanks" and head to the van bus where I cry and cry. Something so small seemed so generous and changed my entire outlook on the day. That small, unsolicited act of service at the gas station buoyed me up and I was ready to once again get to work and to well, "have a good day".
So, thank you Crazy Eyes for showing kindness to a stranger, for making my day, for buying my soda.
It was the night crew and so they don't know me. (Not like the day crew that knows me all too well and even gave me gifts when I had Grace.) Anyway, even though I don't know these people one of the workers has some interesting features and I've seen him working there quite a few times. Oh and then there's his name...in my evil brain I've named him "crazy eyes".
So I get my drink and get in line to pay. I get up to pay and I'm at a disgruntled employees register. She rings me up and before I can pay Crazy Eyes steps over and clears the register. "It's on me, " he says.
"You can't do that!" she says.
"It's on me," he says. And with that he pulls a handful of change from his raggedy old pants pocket and buys my drink.
"You're crazy," she says.
Like and idiot I just stand there.
"Now go on, and have a good day," he says and jerks his head toward the door motioning for me to leave.
Eloquently I say "Um, thanks" and head to the van bus where I cry and cry. Something so small seemed so generous and changed my entire outlook on the day. That small, unsolicited act of service at the gas station buoyed me up and I was ready to once again get to work and to well, "have a good day".
So, thank you Crazy Eyes for showing kindness to a stranger, for making my day, for buying my soda.
Returning to the scene of the Crime
I had lunch today at the exact same table we ate at in the Karma and Chameleons story. As Simon turned his ice cream into a science experiment and Grace peppered her head with sprinkles two old women stopped at my table.
Super, more unwanted advice.
Nope! A most refreshing surprise... The women wanted to let me know how darling my children are and how lucky my mom was to have such sweet grand kids. They were so genuine and so nice I wanted to cry. And then I hoped that somewhere out there today my dear friend from my earlier luncheon was being met with the same kindness.
Were you?
Super, more unwanted advice.
Nope! A most refreshing surprise... The women wanted to let me know how darling my children are and how lucky my mom was to have such sweet grand kids. They were so genuine and so nice I wanted to cry. And then I hoped that somewhere out there today my dear friend from my earlier luncheon was being met with the same kindness.
Were you?
Eggplants
So Simon asked me the other morning what kind of plants eggs grow on.
Man, I've gotta get that kid out more often....
Man, I've gotta get that kid out more often....
82
Simon: My other grandpa died.
My Grandma: I know. That is so sad.
Simon: How come he died?
My Grandma: Because he got too old.
Simon: Oh. How old are you?
My Grandma: 82
Simon: WoW!!! That's old you're gonna die!!!
*For the record it was my grandma that told me this story and she thinks it is hilarious. In fact I think she has told the story oh, about 82 times as well.
My Grandma: I know. That is so sad.
Simon: How come he died?
My Grandma: Because he got too old.
Simon: Oh. How old are you?
My Grandma: 82
Simon: WoW!!! That's old you're gonna die!!!
*For the record it was my grandma that told me this story and she thinks it is hilarious. In fact I think she has told the story oh, about 82 times as well.
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