Recently I've been racked by guilt. Literally everything makes me feel guilty and it has gotten out of hand. In fact, it's spreading and infecting innocent bystanders. For example:
A while ago I was out pulling some weeds when a big old nasty spider crawled across my path. Now I HATE HATE HATE spiders. Really hate them. So as I am pulverizing the poor creature I notice she is carrying an egg sack which she curls her entire body around in an effort to save her babies. As I rained blows down upon the poor creature and her egg sack with my shovel I felt guilty and sad. Here was a mother just going about her business when along comes some big jerk and destroys not only her life but her children's. I saw her desperate attempts to save her babies and what do I do? I smash them with a shovel.
But, I'm a mother to and a few feet away from the spider is little Grace and there's no way I'm letting anything hurt her so the spider had to die and I had to feel guilty.
After the blood bath I told this story to my friend who already knows I'm crazy and then forgot about it until today....
This afternoon I stopped some liquid refreshment off at her house when she tells me that the other day she opened her garage to find some monster mama wolf spider trucking across the floor packing an egg sack. She wanted to kill her but couldn't because of the guilt. MY GUILT!!! AGGGHHHHH!
My guilt it is contagious. Which of course, causes me to feel more guilt! Why can't I just keep my neuroses to myself? Now I envision my friends garage wall teaming with wolf spiders, eyes peering out waiting to attack her with their legions of spiders babies in some sci-fi battle extraordinaire. It gives me the guiltified creeps just thinking about it.
Oh guilt! If only you were as easy to brutally murder as a heavy laden spider....
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I wanted to tell you that I found your blog through my cousin's blog. I've read several of your entries and you're a great writer! You're relateable, funny, clever. Keep up the good work. I don't know how to post the comment with a link to my blog, so here it is: peterepete-audrey.blogspot.com
ReplyDeleteJust about a month ago, I found a huge wolf spider with babies in tow, and I actually captured it and took it up into the mountains and set it free. Normally, I would just kill them all, but I guess I was feeling generous. Today, on the other hand I killed every fat spider I saw while ripping out my flowers; no guilt, just peace of mind :)
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