A Brief History of Cats

A friend of mine was blogging the other day about how she hates people blogging about their pets so I thought "Hey! I should blog about my pets!"

It all started 3 years ago when we moved here. I saw mice everywhere and I hate them. After much debate Jon agreed to get a cat. After a harrowing experience (that I'll talk about next in my "There's A Cat on My Head" entry) I was the proud owner of a kitten. She lived with us for about 6 hours before becoming ill and dying later that night.

Our next cats were Bill S. Preston Esquire and Ted Theodore Logan. They came from my uncle's ranch. They were excellent. However, one morning we discovered that Ted was gone and we haven't seen him since. He doesn't call, he doesn't write...actually, I think he knew what we didn't...that my uncle, my uncle who promised me that both the cats were male, is full of crap. With in a few weeks of Ted's disappearance Bill delivered 6 kittens in my garage.

I promptly hired some neighbor girls to give them away in the parking lot of a local grocery store. We gave them all away but one...Eddie Van Halen...the cat from Hell.

Oh sure, Eddie was a cute kitten and then an amazing mouser but he liked to attack things. At first it was funny---other cats, birds, the neighbors Boxer---but before long Simon and I were trapped in the house. If we went in the yard that thing was hissing and scratching and clawing.

Normally I could make him keep his distance until one day. I was unloading the kids from the van bus when Eddie decided the driveway was his. He was hissing and spitting and wouldn't move. I ignored him and carried Simon, who was freaking out, into the house and then came back for eliza. On my way back I couldn't see him until I was almost to the van. At that point he materialized out of thin air, jumped on my leg and tried to tear me to pieces. Luckily I had my Dr. Pepper mug with me and I dowsed that thing with an ice cold beverage. Soaking wet I retrieved my baby. By the end of the week Van Halen was gone. (His where abouts are another story.)

So now we just have Bill. She is our one and only pet. And because she has been surgically altered she will lead out the remainder of her barren life in our yard trying to avoid the neighbor kids who love her.